I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
