Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
