I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
