The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
