I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
