Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
