this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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