i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
