So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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