I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I could fuck to npr.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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