I'm so fucking centered right now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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