Your dad touched me again.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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