I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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