Whod you bang
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
