The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
