his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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