i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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