My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
