the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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