Got a toothbrush?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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