New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i out mim tonsoeep
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