She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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