I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
