Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
