Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
