If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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