We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
