I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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