i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
