I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
