I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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