first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
