I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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