he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
