Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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