I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Rumble strips road head = magical
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
