So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
