Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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