Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
