I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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