pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
