I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
