if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
