Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
