she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
