He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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