; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
