i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
