My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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