You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
