The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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